Posted September 7, 2006on:
I have grown to be increasingly impatient with tragedy-in-the-making people. These are unfortunate people with unfortunate beginnings who are heading straight into disaster out of their own free will, and will live to mourn for the rest of their lives, cursing their fate. Many of these people I know are women, and they often think of others who seem to be doing OK as “lucky.” Out of my compassion-to-mankind-duty, I duly feel bad for them and want to help out as much as I can, but my mouth is just itching to say, look, I have seen worse, and those who have been through worse are, by your standards, doing quite ok.
This life is yours, I want to scream. It’s yours to change if you don’t like something. Have some will to change it. Don’t have will power? Grow some, really. That’s why we are humans killing off this planet and making other species extinct, we have power, we do. You can’t just keep on digging yourself a deeper hole and say that’s your fate, it’s not. When I was growing up, I saw around me so many unhappy adults, making so many bad decisions blindly and then take it out on others including children, making life difficult for us all. I have seen so much sadness and regrets, people lying in order to deny the mistakes they have made and personal failures. I have sworn to myself that my life would be mine because I have been brought to this country, in this life and time, to be able to change things with just a bit of effort. I do not want to go down the road of regrets and blame, to feel, near the end of my life, looking back, that I have lost so much time not living at all. I feel that you, too, can do it. You can take life into your hand, and live with your own decisions, with the consequences of your own action, and love yourself for it.
People who think that I’m generally happy because I smoke pot or because happiness grows in some funky fungus on my bathroom (there’s definitely something growing in there under the linoleum, that’s what happens when landlords book shady handimen to install new flooring to deal with stuffs growing under the old linoleum – duh, you just pulled out of old stuffs, stuck new stuffs on top with out treating the source of the problem, hello!!) you don’t know me. It’s because I actively choose not to be unhappy. There are plenty of things that can go wrong in a day in the life of Linh, but I know that I am free, and the feeling of knowing that I am free makes life worthwhile to live, to love, and to forgive the ugly side of it. Or not, which is ok too. But damn it, there’s so much power in realizing that your life is yours now, you’re an adult, and you can choose, in many cases, to make a difference.
Talking to my friend today regarding a mutual friends of ours, who is clearly digging herself a big huge hole down into an underground network of disaster just makes me impatient. You are young, you are educated, you are not tied down, don’t tie yourself down and watch the vultures eat your guts. You feel that you are cursed by life, but it’s you who is cursing yourself.