Posted June 11, 2009on:
i used to live in circular time, no need for clocks. i would have one or two at home, but i didn’t look at them as much as i do now. my clocks used to tell different times, mostly ffwd time, to rush me out of the door for work, class, trips, dates…
now i need clocks to tell exact time, because i need to know: how long has my baby slept? what time did she wake up? when is 90 minutes approaching? did she just yawn? has she just entered deep sleep? what time? what time? what time?
time is still circular here. life with an infant in a town where there’s no place to go, where side walks tend to end, summer stiffling… seems like there’s no beginning and no end. it feels awfully isolated. so i need clocks to assure myself that we are moving forward. with each smile she gives me unsolicited, with glints of recognition in her beautiful eyes, i’m reminded that time has passed, and we are getting somewhere, even though we are cooped up in the folds of these air-conditioned walls.