i know what you mean!

lost

Posted on: July 19, 2009

may fell asleep just now at 5pm.  today was sort of a failed experiment.  We spent all day in bed just to see.  I didn’t get much valuable insights and May didn’t get much sleep.  She could just lie there, entertaining herself, then talked to me, then looked around some more.  I didn’t have to pick her up.  She would periodically yawn, i offered the breast, she fussed, latched on/off but cried very little, more like a complain, then back to business.  But she couldn’t sleep.  She managed at most about 2 hours between 7am-5pm.

the reason for this whole experiment is because nursing to sleep and cosleeping has gotten me to the point where i resent the whole situation.  May used to nurse for 1-2 hours at the beginning of the night, then slept 3-4 hours, then nursed, went right back to sleep.  This whole past week she has taken longer and longer to fall asleep – she would promptly fall asleep at the beginning of the night, only to root around shortly afterward, and continued to do so for hours.  Her latch has never been great so now my nipples are sore due to sloppy sleepy bad latches.  Some nights son would merely stir in his sleep and that would set her off – rooting.  The whole thing stressed me out so much i have difficulties falling asleep, which didn’t help May out at all, since she sleeps pretty much nestled against me, so every stir i made, she felt.  i’m pretty sure she picks up on my anxiety and frustration too.  it’s not a good situation.

how we’ve gotten here in the first place is due to May’s frequent waking up during her sleep.  Cosleeping and nursing in bed were desperate measures when i could no longer place her down anymore.  if son or i manage to lull may to sleep in our arms, she has not slept for more than 30 minutes the last 6 weeks,  with 1 exception 2 weeks ago.  She just didn’t sleep deep enough to not wake up when we simply shift our bodies, let alone placing her down.  the moby is still good for 3-4 hrs, but that requires constant swinginging, bouncing, patting, walking… And even in the moby, her sleep is still light…

i am very close to let her cry herself to sleep, just because i am doubting my role as the sleep aid to her cause.  what if i have been sabotaging her development by always offering the breast, so now she cant even sleep well at night, something she had been able to do since birth.  she is 12 weeks today. i had promised myself to hang in there until 12 weeks before i try anything less accommodating.  She just woke up in the moby – only 45 min.

i q

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Later!

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