Posted August 25, 2009on:
I remembered the day CC turned 4 months. I was still waiting for you to come out, and the photos of CC at 4 months stuck in my head through the first difficult few weeks as well as the subsequent challenging months. I kept on thinking, soon, Trang will give birth and you too will be 4 months. Somehow Tran seemed to have turned into a confident mother when CC turned 4 months; I guess that’s why I wanted you to turn 4 months. So that I could become a confident mother too.
Sure enough I am a confident mother today. I know your cues and your quirks. I know your needs and your buttons. I don’t know everything, but I know enough to offer an answer/suggestion when your father turns to me, as opposed to the first few weeks when I had to consult Google or the 888 group at every turn. It has gotten easier in this aspect. We have come to know each other, you have come to depend on me to tend to your needs. When you cry, if I can’t solve what ails you at the moment, simply talking to you is enough to calm you down. It has gotten easier in this aspect. You have gotten more and more independent, you are able to entertain yourself for longer and longer stretches of time so I can snatch more minutes for myself. You study things when I offer them to you. When you are agitated, I do what Chau used to do – look around for things to shove into your hands. Sure enough, a candy wrapper, a thick dull edged product tag, a piece of cloth, any of these things will keep you occupied so I can finish whatever I’m in the middle of doing.
We pick you up a lot, even when you don’t ask to be held. Despite what some people tell us, that we are spoiling you by not letting you learn to be independent, we have seen the opposite. Same thing with your sleep habits. You have gotten progressively better – admittedly small improvements here and there while new challenges emerge – and though they are far and few in between, you have shown me on occasions that you can fall asleep on your own. You know night time is clearly for sleeping, so when you are not fussing to sleep, you sleep. Those are the only two things you do at night. Recently I have been able to change your diapers without you waking up, something I thought I would not be able to do ever.
Whenever it pleases you, you would take a bottle and eat a few ounces. You have stopped crying in the car except when you are tired or hungry. You love going out. You laugh a lot when your father holds you while I talk to you. You ove airplane rides on our legs. Our abs and thighs appreciate those rides too.
You can only keep yourself entertained for so long, so this entry now comes to an end.