fight fight fight that urge to bat…
Posted September 1, 2009on:
For years I had thought I am born to be a mother because I love taking care of others. I couldn’t imagine my own surprise these last 4 months when I felt myself going batty at least once a week. I thought long and hard about it, the how’s and why’s. I know without a doubt that I love being with May, love holding her and watching her grow. But I think I love doing these days maybe for 16 hours/day max. Beyond that, I withdraw. I still have yet been able to reconcile my sense of “self” and the idea that this self will be permanently responsible for another human being for the rest of her life. These are the things I think about when I go batty.
Yesterday we went to the library together, May and I. I came home with a stack of books, started reading when I nurse May or when I walk around the room giving May her Moby nap. I felt alright again.
In the past, this sort of posts would have lasted another thousand worda or so. These days my posts are short in fear of May waking up and I can’t finish what I’ve started.