Posted May 20, 2010on:
Four years ago, I would have shrugged and said, “i’ll survive”
three years ago, I would have said, “we still have each other”
two years ago, I would have said, “even if we get down to the worse, as long as no one dies, we’ll live.”
one year ago, I would have said, “awww fuck!”
now, in face of any worry, I, well, worry. I think perhaps that’s the badge of motherhood. Or it’s the mark of someone who no longer goes to work and brings home a paycheck, and therefore feels the sense of being in control. The later part is more true, I think. As much as I am lazy and want to sleep in everyday until noon, I have been working since 16 and I know for a fact that being employed had fueled my sense of optimism about life. Going to work had brought order to my day and eat up idlethoughts. It also made me feel independent and free from worries. I never have any regrets about being a stay at home mom, because I wouldn’t have it any other way. At the same time, I have watched transformations of my sense of self this past year, and I’m just recording my own observation down. For future prostarity. A life 1/3 lived. An adult. A partner. A parent. A breathing consciousness. Worries worries worries.