i know what you mean!

stills truggling with the party hours!

Posted on: July 16, 2010

took May to bed tonight at 10pm.  Past midnight, she finally slept. I’m still trying to modify our bed time into something more like 10-10 instead of 12-12.  I went downstairs to cook an instant noodle for dinner.  While the water boiled, I tidied up the kitchen a bit.  After I ate, I cleaned up the living room and scrubbed the floors of rooms downstairs.  Then I threw out some boxes and put away some shoes.  I felt, I don’t know, slightly more myself?  Cleaning without having May in my arms or wrapped around my feet felt so good.

It’s hard these days, I won’t deny it.  All May wants to do, craves to do, is to interact.  She has to, because that’s how babies learn, as social creatures.  If there are others at home, it’s a bit easier, because if others are willing to interact with her, she won’t wrap herself around my legs while I try to do anything.  If just the two of us, she wants to be held, or to be engaged in some activities.  When I hold her, half of the time it ends up being nursing sessions.  Her canines are coming in.  I could take her out to playgroups or to places where she can explore new surroundings, but that leaves my house a complete mess because who’s going to do all the cleaning and chores that upkeeping of a house requires?  I think Nguyen had it right when she wrote in her novel, Short Girls, and I’m not quoting verbatim, housekeeping is a losing battle against chaos.  It’s a lesson in futility.  Same mess get cleaned up only to be recreated again the next moment.  How do people do it?  May is still needing me for every single nap and every single night.  Sometimes she cries and Son tries to calm her, and she gets even more angry and frantic.  It’s her age.  How do people do it?

These are thoughts going through my head.  Outwardly I’m doing fine.  There are always thoughts going through my head.  What I don’t need is advice and insights right now.  I just need to get it out in words, so that I can file the thoughts away and move on.

she cries, time to go.

p,s. goddamn mosquitoes ate me alive!


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happenings right now


July 2010
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