life can be beautiful
Posted August 6, 2010on:
1. we do not need to eat
eating is the biggest punishment a mom and a babe have to go through righ tnow, because eating means rejection and tears and spitting out and ear rubbing, hair pulling, books throwing, spoons flying…what a mess. Eating is a big honking boulder of naked reality that stares at us in the face each day of this week and, smirking, says “ha ha gotcha suckers!” Breathe. Breathe. Serenity now. Current solution: no food for 10 days. Don’t wanna eat? Fine, bye bye food, onto something else. It’s a simple solution, really, but motherhood gets so bogged down to the finite minutae detail of everyday’s routine that renders a mom oblivious to zen wisdom.
2. we do not need to clean
or, to say it differently, if cleaning can be done with a babe like us hanging on one hip, while singing and talking and entertaining take place simultaneously to give the impression that cleaning is actually all about us, not about anything else. Because, as you may well know, an inexperienced mom and a lonely toddler is just a recipe for screaming boredom at home.
3. we do not need to wash our hairs
because washing hair is the cruelest torment one can inflict on a toddler. No we MUST sit straight up or stand straight up in the bathtub, something about the reclining position tells us that we will miss out on THE WHOLE UNIVERSE if we deign to recline for 1 minute. Hence we cry and flip and fight to get out of the reclining position. But when we sit up, water get into our eyes and now we panic! YES WE PANIC and we cry and we think this is THE WORST (we didn’t see far ahead enough to anticipate dinner). We will not tolerate being held by mom with our head dunked into the water. We enjoy a nice lather of soap with mom’s fingers massaging our head, yes yes, we like that very much, and now we will climb out and run away with that hair, no no, no need for water, really, NO NEED FOR WATER AT ALL I SAID, WHA…? aw fuck, water is all over our face.
other than that, life’s dandy.