happy new year
Posted January 4, 2011on:
to myself, my family, and everyone else. Mofo Pasadena did it again this year with super cold temperature the night before and the day of the Rose Parade, so I walked around with a splitting headache and then spent hours in bed trying to get warm under 2 down comforters but couldn’t. On the 2nd night, Son gave me a 3rd down comforter, and then I was hot but shivered still. Uh oh. And there I was, worrying about my mad eating spree and gaining enough weight to feel my pants strain.
Last year I was also in the same situation, first eating madly to gain weight, then got really sick and moped around without an appetite for half a week, after that, everything evened out. I’m just praying May is not catching this wicked strain, pray pray pray. This strain is evil. I have never ever felt this sick before. Some of the symptoms are old and recognizable, like the hacking cough spells lasting for days, the fevers, the heavy-headedness feeling. Other symptoms are experienced for the first time ever, such as constant headaches, chills, and body aches. Either childbirth or old age is a bitch, I’m not sure which one. I’m leaning towards old age, because I wasn’t this sick last year. May is still nursing, and I try to nurse her more, if anything. I’m praying that there are enough antibodies to help her sail through. Last year she did just fine.
Her favorite line these days is “me. be^’ con ddu+’ng le^n” = she wants me to pick her up, stand up, and then start walking. She likes the view from higher up. Being so sick, I only found the most effective way to appease her (after telling her that I’m sick 100 times and turning her way – gotta throw her a bone) by asking “how about I hold you and let you nurse?” May was a bit surprised, like I suddenly offered her a pound of chocolates or something, and immediately agreed. I’m not recovering as quickly as I hope, but I do remember that this does happen to me once in a while, being sick sick for a whole week. The last 3 days May was basically Son’s charge. I checked on her occasionally to give some directions, make sure she has something to eat, make sure she drinks lots of fluid and eat fruits/veggies, see her diaper get changed, check to make sure she’s not sick, brush her teeth, and nurse her to sleep. Otherwise, I toss her out and go under the blanket.
And then I couldn’t sleep nor rest properly, because, erh, I listened to what went on, or walked by and saw something that didn’t suit my eyes, and got exasperated. Like I would try to prep food for May, and carried on as far as I could because
Son was busy doing something else. But when he was done, I got mad because he didn’t come to take over. HELLO, I’M HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS HERE and you just sit there and watch me handle her food and feed her?? Or I would watch them leave the house and looked at the diaper bag still sitting at the foot of my bed. I know the old adage about you need to tell people exactly what you want from them and you’ll get a better chance of getting it, but welcome to parenthood, yo! You have to grow these superhuman abilities to see 360 degrees spanning around your child like a bubble sphere, preferably covering about 24 hours of her needs and well being.
But, I’m trying to let it take its course to see if he figures out his own way of handling her. And while it’s taking its course, I’m fuming. Oops. It culminated to last night when May threw a big fit after I coughed for 40+ minutes and roused her widely awake. Then when she tried to nurse back to sleep, I would cough so violently my body shook and the boob moved. The poor babe just had it. I thought, geez, right about now, I could use a line like “is there anything I can get for you to stop that coughing?” (yeah, I need water, I don’t have water around me, I need water and cough drops badly!!), but no cigar. Finally I asked him if he could help me look for some cough drops from his dad. Son asked me “but how do you know if he has some?” oh that rubbed me the wrong way. I said “do you care, Son? Do you even care??” And went out to look for something myself.
Our fights are like that, very few words said, but they hurt both ways. I received his question as a way of not wanting to get out of bed. I just wanted May to get back to sleep. He probably just wanted some clarification. Well bite me, at 11pm, with chills alternating with fever, hacking cough, sore throat, throbbing headache, and an angry infant, just do what I ask. I still reserve the right to get pissed off. When I’m so sick and I ask for my husband’s help I just need compliance – no input, no advise, no clarification. It means a lot to me, well, second to getting to my needs ahead of me. I already read his mind and knew for sure that 1 week ago, the father in law already showed a bag of cough drops and said, here, these are for you when you need them. If I didn’t flip out, I would have added that line to the conversation.
Ah that feels better.
totally screw that new year positive attitude.