Posted June 14, 2011on:
For quite a few years now, I have forgotten the joy of checking emails. There were days I went without caring about whether there are any new messages in my mailbox or not, mostly because there aren’t. A few days back, spurred by a moment of optimism, I started emailing many people just to say hi and ask about their lives. The next day my inbox was filled with the kind of joy I used to see when I was in college. I’ve got mail! Don’t ask me why I’m such a lazy bum. i’m terrible at keeping in touch, even with my closest friends. Even with Son. When he was traveling or I was traveling, calling once a day was not something we kept up. Maybe once every 2-3 days, and chatting for maybe 5 minutes. Or an email with about 3 sentences. With my parents I call maybe once a month and I’d call that “often.” Because there would be months where I don’t call, and when I called to fill my mom in with info, she would say things like “oh yeah, I have heard about this through your sister so and so…” as if I’m some sort of celebrity and she has to get the news 2nd hand.
Thing is, in my family, we all consider that normal. My siblings and I can go for months and months without getting in touch with each other. An is an exception, since I pester her online daily, but if I don’t message her, she doesn’t call to check on me. If I don’t buzz for a week, it doesn’t bother An, making her suspect there might be something wrong.
A few days ago I had a chat with Chau, and the gist of our conversation was that we were so glad our parents turn out the way they did. They are perfectly self sufficient and removed from our lives. I was saying, they might not have been the cuddly loving parents who gave us an idyllic childhood, nor did they make us feel warm and fuzzy thinking about them, but thanks God they don’t give us any headaches as they age. They don’t require us to do anything for them, they don’t offer to do much for us, they don’t expect anything from us, and we just all coexist happily as can be. In my family, “not bothering people” seems to be the virtue. All of us as siblings strive not to bother each other. We don’t bother our parents with our personal problems, and our parents don’t come to us with their personal problems. How anything get resolved is probably beyond me, ha! but all’s been great thus far.
In my family, everyone is good at saying “it’s not my problem” and walk out on shits that might otherwise give endless headaches. We are also capable of detaching our emotions and selves from things that do not threaten to take away the roof over our head or the children we have given birth to. What others might deem as deficiency or deprivation, I welcome with open arms. It doesn’t mean we are incapable of warmth and love. What it does mean is, we are capable of eluding drama. Maybe that’s why I’m constantly in search of drama shows to fill my quota these days, heh.