i know what you mean!

back to reading

Posted on: December 14, 2011

I was writing a very lengthy, painstaking, soul searching, public servicing post about bloggers and haters and the vicious social circle. And then May woke up and I found myself all impatient and testy for the rest of the evening with her. I was really really holding myself back, trying to exert a lot of self restraint, and thankfully, we made it through the night with May happily falling asleep on her own in the room next door. As for me, I thought to myself, screw this shit. I’m just going to toss the public service blog post into the draft bin for now, I don’t have time for it. Who am I kidding, I can’t afford to be reflecting on human nature right now, I need me some fixing first.

So here’s my reading list, if any of them turn out to be of value, I’ll ship them to your house so you can help yourself to a heap of toddler psychology:

How to talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids will talk

The Emotional Life of the Toddler
Your three Year Old: Friend or Enemy
Your Two year old: Terrible or Tender
and, for fun, His Dark Materials Trilogy – I’ll be revisiting this fun series, just because it was a very entertaining read the first time around.

I’m mostly screening all these books before passing them onto Son. I also need to guilt-tripping myself into being a better and more patient parent to May, she really deserves better behavior from me, as she is as good as anyone can ask for from a 2 year old. So my new year resolution is to
1. have a solid plan and structure to our day-to-day activities.
2. be a better parent to May.
3. read more
4. exercise daily
5. lose 10 pounds

Ok, don’t get on my case for the last one. You know how you yourself feel fat, and people around you keep on saying “you look great, your body is THIN, what are you talking about?” yeah? yeah. Only you, yourself, feel the fatness. Well, that’s me too. I know for a fact that I had gained at least 10 lbs since I got to the Bay Area, and I didn’t gain the weight through muscle, so it’s time I cut that shit loose. Don’t hate me.

So here’s tomorrow’s plan: go to the pool and swim for 50 minutes, come home, take May to the library to get the books, home for lunch, nap, then off to the Rombeiro Christmas House in Novato with Thien and May.

Thursday is still wide open, not sure what’s up with that day – oh craps, which reminds me, I need to go pick up Son’s suit from the dry cleaner…
Friday we’ll probably do Fairy Land Winter Wonderland thingie….
Saturday is Son’s company holiday party, then Jim and Helen’s early Christmas dinner, as both theirs and ours households will not be in town this christmas.
Sunday is a visit to cu.’s house
That’s as far as my brain could plan….

Of late, May has been going to bed at night and napping during the afternoon by herself. She even napped by herself in her own room at Helen’s house. To parents who have heard horror stories about how nursing your infant to sleep will make the kid dependent on you as a pacifier FOREVER, and how cosleeping will always make the kid clingy to you and night, my kid is an example to prove those stories wrong. May was a terrible sleeper the 1st year of her life. She was great in all other aspects, but her terrible sleeping habits drove me crazy and near depression, because I could barely sleep. Dr. Sears was NOT helpful at all. His load of attachment parenting and loving reassurance just made me want to throw the book against the wall and scream. Probably he lost a lot of my love when I went to his website and got pop-ups like crazy. What kept me sane was the sleepless moms on the kellymom.com forum. They were the ones who said, leave your house messy. Don’t worry too much about not being able to clean up, just have fun, and watch your kids’ sleeping habit change for the better on their own.

Well, they weren’t 100% right. Or maybe they would be 100% right had I been more patient. May’s sleeping habit got much better as soon as she learned to walk and became more active. She was no longer a light sleeper as before. I waited until she was verbal enough to follow a story, and then I weaned her 2 months before her 2nd birthday. Because May was such an awesome kid, weaning didn’t cost me as much emotional stress as it did with other moms. She simply trusted me and let the boobs go after a week. As soon as she was weaned, May slept through the night.
For the last 6 months, May had been falling asleep on her own, with one of us in bed with her. Last month I asked her to try laying in bed and fall asleep first, I’ll just be in the adjoining room folding laundry. She did so without any fuss. Then we had more talks, and May agreed to try it for her nap as well. Now she can nap or go to bed on her own at night without any fuss. Done deal. I just have to make sure we talk about it and get her to agree with the process, and I always keep my promise to her – no tricks. If I tell her I’ll be in the room next door, I don’t go anywhere. If I want to go upstairs to do the dishes, I tell her so, and then I make lots of noise upstairs so she can hear exactly where I am.

If I were to progress to moving May into her own room now, I would not have any problem in doing so. Son and I just are not ready for that yet. Sleeping in bed without my kid is going to cause me insomnia, I think. Lol. But I’m also a case of cosleeping that will prove the anti-cosleeping people wrong – my kids is as independent and chilled about her sleeping arrangement as any other kid. There’s no guarantee that the babe in your bed will turn out as chilled as May when you want to move him, though. Just don’t let any expert scare you into thinking one way or the other. After all, before I had May, I was all about keeping the bed to myself and moving the kid into her own room as soon as I could… That was before I lost my mind after a week of sleep deprivation. lol.


2 Responses to "back to reading"

It’s great to hear that May is sleeping on her own and by herself. Cc still wants me to put her to sleep by laying next to her so she can hold me until she falls asleep. I let her sleep by herself but she comes into our room every night and stays there til morning, which drives me nut because I can’t sleep.

I like your reading list. Are you done with all the screening? I’m thinking about ordering the first one.

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