the S word
Posted February 2, 2012on:
I’m used to getting the “you’re very observant” compliment from people I wish to impress. I can be very observant when I make a point to be so. However, for the majority of my conscious moments, I’m so oblivious to the point of being clueless.
I just got bored recently one night, so I went to read thegirlwho.net, backtracked to about 30 entries to catch up with that blog (I tend to lag behind with my blog reading, but whenever I catch up, I always back track to where I last left off) and that was how I found out the couple of dooce.com are currently separated. Hence, the S word.
In spite of seeing this happening again and again, where couples online say awesome things about their spouses and their romance, and how it still sizzles after all these years, and then one day, bam, they split up. Metrodad, for example. These couples sometimes make me feel envious of the heat they manage to pack into their relationship, or the total awesomeness of their spouses, the conviction that they are meant to be together for eternity, I’m totally buying it. That even happened to my boss, who was a therapist herself. She isn’t even the bragging bs type, yet the glint in her eyes, the happiness that she emanated when she talked about her family, I was just all googly eyed about such state of perfection. And then one day I wandered around in the grocery store trying to buy cheese or butter or whatever May was into eating at the moment, I ran into her. She said, we’re currently separating. Whoa –
I used to think my own husband was the shit, and believed in it. When other people complained about their own domestic disputes, the daily wear and tear that parenting grinds onto their partnership, the childless me used to think, lucky me, I’m not them. Then I joined their rank shortly after May was born, posting my own gripes about Son every now and then. Our relationship has definitely gone down the boring territory, but still peaceful and amiable for the most part. Whenever it rocks downward, it’s mostly due to external pressure and stress. Whenever it rocks upward, it’s also due to external progress or success. It’s as if we are just there, responding to our surroundings and circumstances. On our own, we neither generate excitement nor distress.
Perhaps that’s why I’m impressed by couples who can generate excitement, romance, sentimentalism, etc.etc., on their own. But then, for some reasons, these couples are like candles burning bright on both ends. In some cases, it’s clear to me that the one person who does the writing is wishing fervently that if they rewrite their love story, they can reconstruct their lives. In other cases, like with Heather A. from dooce.com, you know that problems and issues have always been there, but her writings have always skimmed on these issues, mentioning them in an off handed manner, as if it won’t make or break things.
What was my point anyway?
The other day I was driving May home, listening to some random love songs on the radio, and thinking to myself, I used to believe in things like these. Now if Son would spout such nonsense instead of playing with May or making himself useful in other ways, I would smack some sense into him. I guess that’s why he doesn’t write love poems to me or say romantic things or try romantic gestures. I came home after Xmas to an empty stocking with my name on it, whereas I had filled everyone else’s stocking with little gifts. I didn’t say anything, then a week later, Son informed me that he just heard back from the guy. What guy? The guy Son has been trying to get an estimate from. Son was going to commission some local artist to do a bronze cast from a picture of me holding May. He got back an estimate that runs 6.5K, and I really had to bite my tongue, stopping myself at just saying “whoa that’s a lot of money babe. That’s like, 1/2 a car.” The thing I really wanted to say was, HOW FREAKY! FREAKY ! FREAKY FREAK FREAK FREAK!!!! I don’t ever want a statue of me made in any material, even if it’s just Play-Doh. I’m so glad we both agreed quickly that 6.5K was too much, so there’s not a bronze cast of me sitting around in the house. Sometimes I lament the lack of excitement in my day to day life, but I’m pretty sure I’m the one holding the cleaver.