i know what you mean!

wanting to be 19 again

Posted on: February 12, 2012

sad news! I have made little to none effort in shedding the 5 pounds I have gained since August. I am so nostalgic about my 24″ waist tonight.  Although technically I can still stuff everything into 24″ jeans, the difference is undeniable sighs.  I miss being 19.  How nice it would be to walk into a room and, without looking around, know that eyes are on me, in a good way, again. How nice it would be to know that although I’m not the one with the features in the room, I’ve maximized 100% my potential and shined in the way that 19-year-old’s do.  I can’t remember which book it is, but there was an older person saying that all 19 year old’s are beautiful – chubby ones, pimply ones, scrawny ones, oily greasy ones… they all bask in their youthful glory full of promises.  The last time I paid that much attention to my own appearance on a regular basis – and did something about it – is when I was 19.

The other night Linh KS said something along the line of “recently you seem to pay attention to fashion trends.” – heh. I guess if I say I have always been fashionably conscientious, many of my friends would go, really?? You pay attention?? I don’t have much to show for it…  I’m writing this down to jump start my resolution to shed the muffin top.  It’s so hard when I no longer walk around all day long like I used to….

I first read Madame Bovary in high school, and I was inexplicably sympathetic to the female character. Little could I imagine that 15 years from those days, I share the same feelings and yearnings with her.    I’ve always felt a sense of restlessness in me that is best tamed when I’m able to tease people and laugh about it.  Other people may strive to attain degrees or run a marathon or find a cure for cancer to affirm their existence, me, I tease.  The best people to tease for me are guys who are attracted to me, because with the sexual tension added, it’s double the fun.  I miss attracting the opposite sex’s attention, now that I’m no longer working.  I miss the feelings before an official relationship starts, the thrills, the uncertainty, the waiting…  writing emails and feel moved by my own words or charmed by my own wits lol.  I miss the confidence I could swagger in those moments;  the ability to tell men, even if you are not physically attracted to me, I know you’ll hang around for a bit more  because you are not sure what I will do or say next.   Without these mind games, life becomes a bit dull for me.   Do you have confidence in your attractiveness and wits?  Are you single?  Can I be your consultant so I can have some fun too??  Maybe I should start writing a novel…

Son, if you are reading this, surprise me!

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happenings right now

  • Từng này tuổi rồi mỗi lần xác địng bên phải bên trái vẫn phải tìm xem tay nào cầm viết. Tiếng Tàu thì luôn không phân biệt được Tả và Hữu 5 months ago
  • Wào, hai hôm nay "Váy Công Chúa" ngày nào cũng đăng 2 chương một. 6 months ago
  • wow, vậy mà chúng nó cũng khoá chương 50, bịnh thật 6 months ago

Later!

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