Posted November 3, 2012on:
last night Son turned to me and asked me, doesn’t our daughter seem slightly depressed? I agreed with him. She has been slightly more whiny, a bit less cooperative. She doesn’t act out or pick a fight, but she just pulls into herself a bit more, hence Son’s description of “depressed.”
We have been trying hard to keep things as streamlined and consistent for her as possible. But there were some glitches. Like on Wednesday when we had An’s family over for a visit, then Nana came at noon to take May to school for Halloween party, the the flurry of things going on, we all forgot to remind May her bathroom break. So the poor child left the house with 8 oz of milk in her from 10a.m. until 2-3ish, when she had an accident. That just made me feel so bad.
I know she misses me even though I’m at home all the time. She wakes up and asks Son for permission to come see me in the morning. She comes home from school and first thing she does is goes look for me to say hello. With Tim crying during diaper changes and me adjusting, May’s sleep has also suffered, so I think that added to her stress.
We are constantly trying to make adjustments. Tim is settling nicely into his newborn honeymoon phase where some babies just nicely passes out all the time, waking up to eat and then immediately pass out again. So for the time being, I just place him down into the bassinet whenever he sleeps. In the morning when she comes into the room at 8:30-9ish, I let her sit next to me and read or tell her whatever stories she wants, as I nurse Tim. If I’m changing diapers, she helps me and tries to pacify Tim when he cries (he hates diaper changing for the time being). Once Tim is changed, nursed, and passed out, I would hand him to Son to hold in bed, then take May upstairs to give her her usual breakfast. We have about a good 1.5-2 hours together that way, as I just go on with my usual morning activities. This dance continues through the day, with me and Son taking care to maintain all of May’s routines to our best ability. It’s very helpful to have Son at home, as he takes over everything and does as told – doesn’t argue, doesn’t give opinion if the requests are reasonable.
Last night after Son’s observation, I went down after Tim was fed and was sleeping, and I just held Tim while sitting with May in the dark. May typically goes to bed alone at night or sometimes Son joins her, but I’ve decided for this transition, I’ll try to either hold Tim and sit next to her in the dark or put Tim into bassinet and hold May until she falls asleep. I won’t do this daily, but maybe 2-3 times a week. And I remind her every night that little by little things will pass, we’ll all be together in the same bed soon.
Son has 8 days of work in the entire month of November, with 3 of them being night calls, but whatever, I’ll take it. Son’s mom will hopefully join us by this Sunday. I’ve learned from experience and have been faithfully sleeping at night every chance I got, with Tim right next to me on the mattress (first time around with May, I was killing myself trying to place her down in crib before going back to bed, ended up with like an hour of sleep per night, ugh).
Last night when I came down with Tim, May was so excited and restless, she couldn’t settle down. I ended up having to order her to settle down or I will leave, so she frantically tried to (and succeed). Poor kid – but at the same time, I was desperate for her to sleep ASAP because she was over tired and it was already 9:30. She ended up waking up around 7am because the weather went from warm to cold half way through the night. She didn’t wear enough clothes (she was so sweaty I had to remove a layer for her initially) and kicked out the blanket, so she woke up early due to being cold. Tonight, Son started her dinner at 6pm and finished feeding of fruits, snacks, meal, milk all by 7pm, I bathed and prepped her for the night by 8pm. At 8:20pm all stories were read and lights off. Then I just held her in bed and practiced deep breathing. May didn’t have to frantically settle herself like the night before. This time she just peacefully drifted off in my arms.
My first born, my love.