i know what you mean!

adjustment period

Posted on: November 5, 2012

paraphrasing from a website somewhere in the maze of google I stumbled upon at 2a.m. bleary eyed and fighting a headache:

it’s like your spouse putting his arms around you and lovingly says “honey, you’ve been such a wonderful wife to me and brought me so much joy. You are perfection itself, and I’ve treasured every moment that you are in my life, so much so that I’ve decided to bring home another wife. This one will be younger, cuter, and will demand more of my time and attention. But don’t worry, i still love you just as much. You will have to share space with her, when people see her they’ll squeal at how cute she is, and then turn over to you and ask “how do you like being the other wife?”

May is asking for attention when she sees us tending to Tim, especially on the days where she has to stay home all day long to witness both parents tending to Tim’s every needs. She refuses to do things for herself sometimes, and when she does attempt, she breaks down more easily at simple frustrations. All in all, it’s a delicate matter. I guess it’s hard no matter what age, but Son and I are on the same page with regards to May’s emotional well being. The current course of action is to take May out as much as possible (with Son or Nana) so she doesn’t have to stay at home all day long to see me (even when I give her attention, and I have been giving her more attention than when I was pregnant, actually) caring for Tim. While May is out, I will focus on simply sleeping as much as possible to feel recharged and clear headed, that way I can muster up energy and enthusiasm when May is around.

Once we are past 6 weeks, I will implement the same plan as ma. Ti’m’s, where I hand Tim over to Son entirely on his day off and just take May out. We’re also going to just baby May through Tim’s first few weeks, do things for her when she refuses to be self sufficient, accommodating her requests whenever possible, and when it’s not possible, compromise or get a rain check.  I think the biggest upheaval of May’s life when Tim is home is not being able to sleep at night in the same bed with me.  I want to wait until Tim is about 2 months before moving back into the room with the rest of the family, but in the meanwhile, May will have to wake up not seeing me every morning – that’s hard on her.  She has been waking up early every morning because she wants to run over to the baby’s room to talk to me.  I’ve made a point to be in bed with her when she falls asleep, and holding her when possible to help ease her through this temporary separation.  The sweet thing is, she doesn’t wake me up when she comes into the room in the morning if she sees me with my eyes still closed.

I’ll add one more day of school to May’s school week, making it 4x/week until January.

photo: art therapy – May threw a picture of our family today.  She started out with daddy and May holding hand, reflection of her recent deepened bond with Son.  Then she added a medium sized mommy and said this is my family to her uncle Gussy.  Anyone else?  She added the cat, and said that’s everyone.


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happenings right now


November 2012
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