like a secret flower
Posted July 24, 2014on:
May is not someone you should use a stern voice with. To impart a sense of urgency or importance, you can initially yell at her, but once you catch her attention, your voice should be at a friendly and sweet tone, other wise you will lose her. No matter what the subject matter may be, a stern voice goes into May’s ear and takes on just one meaning: “they hate me. enemy alert.” If you watch her facial expression, what you see is a sullen one. If you press her further, she will struggle to hold in her tears. You can’t catch May’s attention – a positive one, an attentive one – with a stern voice.
Tim can take it. He will stop and listen to what you have to say, even if your tone is not a pleasant one. Then, depending on how well he takes the message, he will throws out his demands at you, either he requests that you reassure him with your love, or he flatly turns you down in a “I don’t need you so screw you and your lecture” sort of way.
May’s a soft but stubborn one. Tim is a hard but flexible one.
May’s softness makes it easy to overlook her. She’s amendable to last minute changes and evolving plans. You can order her to do something or behave a certain way as needed. So I fall into the trap of overlooking May sometimes – she’s fed, she’s dressed, she’s cleaned, and then she’s on her own. The squeaky-wheeled Tim gets my attention. It’s not that I just ignore her all the time. It’s that when I’m tired or too busy, most of May’s non-urgent requests are denied, whereas Tim gets more answered than denied (because I’m trying to encourage him to use words to express his needs). At first I reasoned that May has had her fair share of my undivided attention when she was Tim’s age, whereas now, Tim has to share. But when I look at it more closely, it’s not as simple as that. She will thrive and she will survive in our care even in less than ideal conditions, that’s just the way she is. But I don’t want to let her bloom secretly like a flower at midnight when I’m not looking. So I have to remind myself that I can’t fall into the trap of ignoring the first born because she’s a well behaved one.