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Archive for the ‘dreams’ Category

I had a dream last night where I had a confrontation with a girl at school who turns out to have gang connection. She attacked me and I fought back and then she ran off calling her gangster uncles crying to them that I beat her up unprovoked. Ugh. Son and I left the spot as soon as she made the call, but when we got to our car, the gangsters were already. These gangsters, despite being Hispanic gangsters, spoke Vietnamese and looked like 2 potbellied Vietnamese sleazes. They grabbed Son and he just told me “it’s minor, it’s just going to be minor, don’t worry.” I was all ready to fight AND flight, but his compliance totally caught me off guard. Then, being that it was my dream, even though they dragged Son behind closed doors, I could see and hear clearly what was going on inside. One sleazebag said to another “like, he hit her LIKE THIS, and LIKE THIS, and she was totally defenseless.” I was so pissed. Then May woke me up.

in my dream i passed by H-Mart but it looked something like structure of Ma^~u Gia’o So+n Ca 14 in VN. They had bins of sale items outside by the wall (of that preschool of course) where I saw FRESH rambutan and rose apples (ma^.n) on display. I grabbed the whole lot and entered the market. These fruits were quite heavy, but I had just begun shopping. I came to the food togo counter, and the guy was just about to close the window. I looked inside and saw that all the stuffs got put away already. But someone else inside saw me and signaled for the guy to serve me. I said “I know you are about to close up. If it’s not of great trouble to you, then I would like to buy some items, but if it’s too much work, let me know.” He said he’ll show me what he has. Guy opened the fridge and pulled out a tray of ready-made Vietnamese subs. I said “I’ll take them all.” Then I wanted some tri-layer agar jelly (green pandan, white coconut milk, brown coffee) I want 3 of those. Then onto che`…. I wasn’t done shopping but May was done with her night sleep. I woke up super hungry, not sure due to the frequent nursing the whole night or due to my dream. Maybe the nursing got me hungry and induced the dream… AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I MISS CALIFORNIA!! Well, I mean I miss asian hubs like San Gabriel Valley, OC, or the Bay Area. I don’t miss Freshno, for example.

I want some pics of Vietnamese tropical fruits to illustrate this post, but I don’t have any original photos. If you have some that you would like to permit me to use, please let me know!

If you are looking for a motivational message, this is not the right post.

I used to laugh at Chau when she was pregnant because she would have these super crazy dreams, many in which her xbf’s would come back and love her so tenderly telling her she was the love of their life and they can never ever let her go. One dream had Brad Pitt coming onto her and really tried to hit on her. Well now I’m crossing that bridge too!

Last night I dreamt that some B-class Korean singer (rising star mind you) fell in love with me in some lengthy drawn out k-drama fashion. I think I volunteered for a group and got assigned to help him out because his duet singer didn’t show up or something, and so I served as a stand-in for rehearsal, aside from assisting him with all kinds of secretarial tasks. Don’t ask me why B-class Korean singers would have a need for a volunteer organization instead of fans. You should have seen what An got stuck with. While she was in the same group with me, she got paired up with my mom and had to play stand-in mental health therapist to a bunch of depressed and anxious people.

Anyway, my sweet B-Kboy had this peculiar way of leaving tasks for me. he would arrange them all on the floor on a trail, ending with what needs to be done first, which is always a pen that I need to pick up, then I would see a piece of paper, on which I would need the pen to help him fill out, and so on. I didn’t quite get it until the end, when everything was over and I had a sense that he was really sweet on me, so when he said i needed to help him complete writing a performance review and feedback report for my organization, rating my performance, I said OK, it should be quick, lemme go pack my stuffs first. He said he has to take a shower, and I would find the stuffs in his office. I went into his office and saw a longass paper trail on the floor again, ending with a pen. So I picked up the pen at the end of the trail, then picked up a large card that was next in line. On the card was cute B-Kboy hand writing (sky blue ink!) expressing his admiration for my love & devotion to Son and the bond both of us have (see, I’m not such a slut after all, I still remember that I’m married), and that he knows nothing can ever come between us hence he would have no chance, so he can only stand on the outside looking in, etc. etc. Then towards the end, he said “…even if I ever lose everything that is essentially me, my personality, my likes and dislikes, my memories, I know for sure that I will still love you all the same. Because you are that lovable – anyone would fall in love with you.” That’s what make my dreams unique. Only I can say that kind of shit. No boy has ever been capable of writing music to my ears the same way I can. Awww cute B-Kboy was so sweet.

something about someone’s wedding or something like that, where I decided that my visiting foster mom (some complete stranger in this dream), a pretty good seamstress, would help me sew some a’o da`i. By help I mean I was counting on her to do it ALL. But to show that I’m reasonable, I went as far as cutting up the pants following the measurements of all the old ladies involved. I’m not sure if this dream makes sense, because if it were my wedding in the dream, I don’t understand why I picked like 7 ladies who were all my mom’s age to showcase them in body-fitting a’o da`i with really colorful pattern and quite avant garde style , the main question is why I would pick 7 because in real life I find bridesmaids a drag. Probably it’s due to the influence of reading Cindy’s blog, her wedding coming up really soon, this weekend or next weekend I think. Anyways. Back to the dream. I ended up cutting the fabric as if I was making paper doll clothes, which means the pants, if sewn, would be stretched skintight and I’m not sure if any of them would fit any of these ladies at all. This was done on my nice fancy expensive fabric, so for the rest of my dream, i was trying to gauge my foster mom’s attitude to see if she would help me at all (she didn’t offer) but it didn’t seem like there was much option to remedy the damage. I was thinking of either just extend the pants with black fabric, or maybe just make them all wear black pants because they are old anyway, shouldn’t they wear something less flashy ?

My dreams are so filled with executive decisions.

I think Tu’ Quyen performance in the latest Paris by Night video is pretty good, her costumes not too crazy nor slutty. I don’t care about Luong Tung Quang’s singing, but he has a really cute mouth of teeth, so attractive. I like the original Un Myeong song in Korean much better, thought that Full House series bored me (one cool thing about learning chinese via a Ha’n Vie^.t dictionary is that after awhile, you can see Chinese roots in Korean and Japanese. Take “un Myeong” for example, I know the title means fate because it does sound like “va^.n. me^.nh” to me. If you take the word to Japanese, it’s also very similar, “unmei” – the u is short. That’s how I am able to pick up subjects of conversations every now and then, though I might not understand 90% of all other spoken words within the conversation. In case you’re ever curious, the Mandarin pronunciation of it is “yun ming,” I’m not sure about Cantonese ). I never made it through the 5th episode of Full House. Speaking of Korean soaps, I think Ti (Tram’s kid) kinda look like Bi-Rain in a recent picture… Those are my present opinions.



Posted on: July 18, 2008

I dreamt last night that Tin was accepted into some kind of graduate program in England, so he was getting ready to leave the country. It was a mixed bag of emotions, and everyone were feeling a bit melancholic about. Tin bought his gf a cat before he leaves, a black cat. I was annoyed because I thought oh great, why can’t he just go and adopt one from the shelter? The cat was black and very cute though. The last night before his departure, Tin was out late, so we couldn’t spend much time with him. I also had to go home, and was waiting for someone to give me a ride. We were in our house back in VN for some reason. An and I were talking, and then Tin came home, but among my siblings, no one wanted to give me a ride home, citing that it was too late and they were all tired. I said, fine, lend me a bike, I’ll bike myself home. Huy said to use the mini bike, but that thing was just waaay too short for me, I couldn’t use it. Then An said, here, take my blue bike. I said “does it need anything?” An said “no no, it’s good, it’s ready to go.” Yeah right, the tires were both flat. An pulled out her pump and pumped it up, but I was thinking to myself, I’m sure it needs new tires, not just a pump. Didn’t stick around to find out what happened next, because the phone rang at 9 this morning.

It’s York college, scheduling an in person interview. I guess her vacation got cancelled next week, because she said I wouldn’t hear from her supposedly until August. Good. If things work out favorably, perhaps my trip to L.A. to help Chau out can be arranged…

idlehouse: me dreamt
idlehouse: some event at home in VN on 2nd floor where there was the color tv
idlehouse: TV was on, room was dark
idlehouse: Son jumped on moi while me was lying under blankets watching TV and proceeded to humpo
idlehouse: me said “ssshhhh, there are people here!”
idlehouse: Son said it’s ok, no one notices, what a turn on
idlehouse: but me position on bed wasn’t stable
idlehouse: so pretty soon, both of us te’ bo^? ngu+?a onto the ground
idlehouse: and the impact was so great that at the time of the fall, me hand was on his shalf
idlehouse: after the fall, me hand was holding his shaft – detached from him
idlehouse: no blood or anything, and interestingly, Son turns into Tin at this point
idlehouse: and me gave it back to Tin and said “ssshhhh, just take this and rush to ER right now, hurry!”
idlehouse: Tin took his manhood and left
idlehouse: but me kept on seeing him walking back and forth at door
idlehouse: no go anywhere
idlehouse: me =
idlehouse: so went out there asking him, why haven’t you gone ??
thadieu: ssshhhh, me’sh trying to stop laughing too loud in office
idlehouse: Tin said he decided to ask for MOM’S opinion first
idlehouse: and between mom and some ba’c, they thought they could reattach it at home using co+m or something !
idlehouse: da’n !
idlehouse: me = super duper pissed by then
idlehouse: screaming at him ME DOCTOR’S WIFE, me KNOW for a fact that you must go tto ER and get it surgically reattached
idlehouse: ASAP, or it won’t work
idlehouse: so Tin said OK OK and went to ER
idlehouse: me drove mom in old mazda car to follow
idlehouse: dr. came out said he did his best, but not sure if it will work 100% because Tin came in too late
idlehouse: he waited too long…
idlehouse: there you have it!
idlehouse: on Tin’s bday
thadieu: MUST document this
thadieu: MUST!!

I dreamt last night that we moved to next to Jim and Helen, but in VietNam. Our house is what used to be my foster mom’s place in Tan Binh, Saigon. It was a mini gated community in a cul de sac. From the main street, you turn left into an alley, go for about 50m, and arrive at the main gate canopied by 3 giant bougainvillea vines. To your right would be the small gate of my foster mom’s garden. Inside these gates, there were 4 houses, all belonged to my relatives. The first house was bà Phó. She was my grand-aunt, the older sister of my maternal grandma. Hers was a small 5m x 6m sort of house, with a tiny kitchen and an attic. But she had a garden to the left of her house, about the size of the house itself, where she planted wax jambu, among other fruit trees. Next to bà Phó was bác Khôi’s house. She was bà Phó ‘s daughter (I think), but I never saw her living there. Mostly it was her two or three children, anh Định and chị Điệp were there, I think, and maybe anh Cảnh too, I’m not sure. That house is about the same size as bà Phó’s house, also with an attic, and a wide empty kitchen, grey cement flooring throughout – no tiles – the homely touch. Behind the kitchen was someone’s yard, with their wax jambu leaves pooking through the fiberglass divider. This was the most empty house out of all the houses, it felt temporal, like the wind moving through one window and out another, then gone.

Next was bác Đàm’s house, the smallest of 4 houses. She was also bà Phó’s daughter. bà Phó’s tiles were red and white, bác Đàm’s tiles had green designs. I remember she had a small single bed against the left wall, just your typical VNese bed – slats of wood, then on top of it, you put a straw mat. She had one of those woven chinese box pillows, hard as rock. I used to lay on her small bed some afternoon, wondering if I could ever get used to this hunk of harshness under my neck. Bác Đàm had a small kitchen in the back with an open ceiling to allow daylight into the room. She used to keep a turtle back there, under a woven bamboo basket. In front of bác Đàm’s house was the communal well, where all 4 houses did most of their washings and bathings. Next to the well was a tall guava tree. The last house was bác Ngọc’s (my foster mom). She was the widow of bà Phó’s son.

I think what happened was she bought a house next to this 3 household hamlet, punched an opening through the separating wall to connect her house to her siblings’, and put up a wall on the otherside, making her neighbor’s house the last house on the other cul de sac instead of hers. That explains why bác Ngọc’s house was so different from the other 3 houses. Whereas the first 3 houses were raised at least 3 feet above the ground, bác Ngọc’s front room was only slightly raised – less than 1 foot – from the ground. There was a front porch that along the width of the house, with 2 square pillars on each side. I used to eat my dinner out on that porch, sitting among bác Ngọc’s many grown children. Sometimes we ate in from a mâm – a round aluminum tray on which you place all the main dishes. You place that tray on the ground, everyone sits around it, holding their rice bowls, and eating from the dishes on the tray. From the porch, the double french doors led into the front room with two wide windows. On the left was a big brown hardwood divan. Usually 2,3 people slept on that divan each night. On the right was a big study table with lots of chairs. Most of bác Ngọc’s children who lived with me in that house were teachers – anh Tuấn, chị Thanh, chị Thuý, chị Diệu, chị Diễm. Only anh Việt got drafted into the Vietnamese army. I remember watching him putting on his combat boots, wearing his camouflaged army clothings, and then turned around to tell me “I’m off!” – and he was gone. I remember kneeling on the divan in the front room, looking through the window at the empty space in the porch that anh Việt just swiftly passed by. When I grew a bit older and went back to bác Ngọc for vacation, everyone told me anh Việt was gone – escaped by boat.

Beyond the front room was the bedroom with green tiles. There was a door way leading into the bedroom, but no doors. Just a bamboo blind hanging there. On either side of this opening were half-moon shaped windows, about 4 feet from the ground, again, without shutters. The bedroom had one big bed on the right side, and one small bed on the left side. There was also an old school sewing machine by the window, a book case next to the sewing machine, and a dresser opposite to the foot of the big bed. As an infant, I used to sleep in the small bed with bác Ngọc. When I got bigger, I sometimes slept in the big bed with chị Diệu and chị Thuý, or sometimes on the divan in the other room with chị Thanh, after chị Thuý got married. Beyond the bedroom was a huge dinning room. After anh Tuấn got married to chị Loan, half of this dinning room was partitioned off to create a separate living area for the new family. Most of the time this room was empty, only at meal times, we would unfold a large round aluminum table and unstack the stools to place them around the table, enough seats for everyone. To the right of the dinning room was the kitchen, where we had a traditional cement stove built into the counter. All the bicycles were parked in the kitchen. At the end of the kitchen, along the wall, was the bathstall and toilet (the swatting type). From the dinning room, if you open the door to go out, you would see a high red brick wall on the left.

Against the wall was a raised “flowerbed” area, where there used to be a tall tree of some type. The cat did most of its digging business in this dirtbed. Laundry ropes were strung along this wall, and the freshly washed clothes were hung there every morning. To the left was the bedroom’s window. At the end of this courtyard was the chicken shed, and then a low, small, wooden gate. Beyond this gate would be the opening into bác Đàm’s front door and the well. Behind the well was a long and narrow garden bác Ngọc built, running all the way until it met the front gate at a corner.

All my fairy tales materialized there, in those rooms and courtyards and gardens. The tree that grew next to the brick wall was where I imagined Cám would return as a black crow, chiding her mom for eating her flesh. That tree, too, was where the bird came to eat one brother’s golden starfruit, then promising to repay him in gold, as it flew beyond the red wall. The narrow courtyard was where the wicked stepmother mixed rice and grains together, forcing Tấm to separate them again. And the birds would come, beyond the small gate, from the garden of course, to help her out. The two beds in the bedroom would be where Tấm buried the bones of her pet fish…

The rhymes of my school textbook materialized there too, in the wonderland beyond the bougainvilleas ladden gate. The front porch of bác Ngọc’s house was the place where my mind’s eyes travel back to when I recite:

bên thềm gió mát
bé nặn đồ chơi
mèo nằm vẫy đuôi

tròn xoe đôi mắt…

or somewhere in that house, in the peaceful lull of the afternoon, I see the how a loved child sleeps:

bé ngủ ngon quá
đẫy cả giấc trưa
cái võng thương bé
thức hoài đu đưa…

From the narrow courtyard opening i
nto the flowered couryard beyond the porch, going out into the open area before the well, in the shaddows of the walls and trees, I can see the fluffy young chicks follow their motherhen in a walk:

bây giờ thong thả
mẹ đi lên đầu
đàn con bé xíu

líu ríu chạy sau

con mẹ đẹp sao
những hòn tơ nhỏ
chạy như lăn tròn
trên sân trên cỏ…

Of course, this place is no longer in existence, and it has been obliterated since, I don’t know, 5,6 years ago. The streets in VietNam could not continue to exist as they were in the face of economic growth, so families in that area were relocated by the government, the alleys torn down and flattened over, made into a wide street that cars can now run through. Bác Ngọc bought a new house somewhere else, my mom said it was a nice house too. Why am I sitting here, then, not in communication of these dream weavers of my childhood? I don’t know. I want to, and I’m afraid to. But I’ll get to it, I know I will.

You know how poor Frodo with his ring, it’s always pulling him to the eye of Sauron beyond the gate of Mordor? I’m like that with my mind’s eyes, I always feel a powerful pull in me towards the gate in an alley, some 50m from mainstreet. I think if I ever go to heaven, the gate of heaven would be that gate. In my dream, it felt like I had arrived where I wanted to be, me a child again in an adult’s body, talking to Jim about how we end up being neighbors, in this place of all places. I washed some wet things and hung them by the water meter by the gate. The day was cloudy, evening time probably, no winds.

picture: in the narrow garden at bác Ngọc’s. You can see how the garden gate opens out to the alley. to the right of this garden gate would be the main gate. If you look closely, you will see Hẽm, my childhood friend, standing outside looking in. I was playing with her when I got called in and made to pose for this picture.

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May 2020