i know what you mean!

Archive for the ‘you’ Category

we interrupt the usual craps to bring this news:  Summer is walking at 10 months.  Still sleeping like shit, but let’s just hope she’ll get over it by 12M, otherwise she’ll have to keep me when i’m old.  seriously.  i need a life, too much cuddling isn’t my thing.  But she’s cute, so we all succum to her charms.  And her screaming.

also – the person who eats the most out of 3 kids is the skinniest.

Bữa giờ mình lâu lâu thắc mắc thật ra một thằng bé trai chạy hình chữ S là chạy  cụ thể như thế nào.  Nói thì có thể tưởng tượng ra được, nhưng hình ảnh hơi mơ hồ, vì xưa giờ mình chưa từng thấy nó chạy hình chữ S.  Hồi bên VN không có, qua bên Mỹ lại càng không.

Sáng nay dắt Tìm đi học nó làm live demo ngay tại chỗ luôn.  Trời lành lạnh, lòng nó vui vui sao đó mà tay cầm lunch box, chân chạy chữ S trên vỉa hè. Vừa chăm chú vừa vô tư.  Giống như sáng nay ai lên dây cót trong đầu sẵn cho nó, nhảy từ trong xe xuống là cứ thế mà làm.

40

Posted on: February 2, 2016

When I first met him, he said, “I am approaching quarter century.”  He guarded his birthday like it was some sort of universal secret, then he couldn’t help but revealed it to me.   then he disappeared and made me promise not to disturb him on that day while he licked his wounded heart.  He looked at people who grew old together and he wondered “what about me?”

Now he turns forty.

I wonder if you still remember the way you were back then, or, like how you have always given me the blank look, you’d say, “what? I don’t remember anything!”

in our twenties, when we first stumbled, we felt so grown up and wise suddenly.  We felt rushed as if the years were upon us, and as adults we could no longer afford mistakes and failures.  We were so endearingly and achingly foolish.  If I could travel back, I’d laugh and pinch your then still chubby cheeks, and I’d say, “off with you then, see you in 24 hours, wearing your tattered sweater and one decent pair of jeans you own.”  For I would have known you will come back.  Like the years are upon us, and the birthdays, no matter how you pass them, they will come back, to let you know what living is.

 

we need to smile more
in times when it becomes difficult…
need to abandon prayers but not hope
or maybe a smile is a primitive form of prayers
we should smile more. And we say “I love you” to mean it
when we get to the bottom of our fates
we love because we have nothing else

[in our most difficult time]

 

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Oh geez, Tu vi tron nam linh thiet!  I read it 6 months ago and it said beware of unexpected BIG expenditures.  I reread it last week and thought, well, so far we seem ok… And then we got the phone call, now i’m running around like a headless chicken trying to make arrangements for Son’s rotation in Detroit area next month.  It’s good news, but it’s stressful.  I already had 2 sleepless nights within the last 7 days.  Gah.  And I spent so much time worrying about Son that I drive myself crazy.  I have been short tempered with May, poor May.  This morning while I was trying to compose emails inquiring about housing for Son, May kept on pulling at my laptop’s electrical cords, so I snatched it away from her and scolded her, saying “How many times have I told you to leave this alone? This is not a toy, it’s dangerous, cut it out!”  Such a ridiculous thing to say to a 1 year old.  May’s face fell and the corner of her mouth twisted, her eyes were glittering and she said “nu+~a” (more) which is the newest fav word she has recently acquired.  Typically, when she gets tired or panicky, she would say her favorite word to distract and comfort herself.  Poor baby.  I just dropped it and held her close, telling her that I love her and let’s play with something else beside electrical cords.

And then, tonight, when I came into the room to search for some thing before getting May down for bedtime, I found Son already in position, ready to sleep.  I just lost it and wanted to scream because I knew he had not done his meditation.  I asked him to go do it before he goes to sleep, but his lack of response (or my perception thereof) drove me up the walls, so I pestered him in all the no-no manners including nagging and guilt-tripping until he finally got up, albeit unhappily, and put in (because I monitored) less than 30 minute’s worth of …something downstairs.

Our days are so rushed and so filled with fatigue right now that there are so much left unsaid at the end of the day.  Even when we want to – when I want to – we can’t really sit down for talks the way we used to be able to any more.  Whenever I tried, I just felt like I’m the one talking, and my husband glumly succumming to my monologues, sure sure, whatever makes you happy, that sort of thing.  And then nights after nights I hear him thrashing around in his sleep, moaning, and sometimes, gasping, and there go those knots again, knots every where in my guts, my throat, my breath.  What I wanted to say, instead of scolding Son tonight, nagging, guilt tripping, is that, please trust me when I know you are so tired and exhausted, and yet I push you to do something.  It’s not because I am selfish or controlling.  I have my reasons, and there is that little flickering in my gut that tells me when I am right about something.  Those flickers pushed me tonight, and as I watched Son unresponsive to my initial urges, they flared and made me feel like I must get my point across, no matter what.

Many people are fooled by my advice, as I tend to say things that make lots of sense.  It’s reasonable that they assume I would follow my own counsel and we all live in a harmonious, peaceful, loving, happy environment.  The thing is, I always know a lot about what should be done, but I myself often don’t do half of those things.  I work hard and strive for ideals, but the day to day gets to me, my own nature gets to me.  I don’t beat myself over it, but this is just to say, don’t be fooled by the things I know or disappointed by the things I do.  I am just me, and currently, I’m stressed out @_@

dạo này con thích lắc đầu nguầy nguậy, nhiều lúc cố tình hỏi mẹ cho cái gì đó chỉ để lắc đầu như điên lúc mẹ đưa.
Tối nay ngồi coi ca nhạc con đang đùa, lắc đầu lia lịa, cái mẹ hỏi “thương mẹ không?” con thắng kéeeeet lại liền, đáp “thương!”
nhiều lần rồi đó, cứ con mà lên cơn lắc đầu, mẹ ôm con nói “May ơi, ba mẹ thương con thương con nhiều lắm đó, con thương ba mẹ không?” lần nào con cũng ngưng và đáp liền, “thương!”

Hôm thứ Tư mẹ nói con mi bà ngoại đi, con mải xin cà chua nên nằng nặc chỉ rổ, miệng “chua chua chua” không làm theo lời mẹ.  Bà cầm 1 trái lên nói, “mi bà đi rồi bà cho.”  Mẹ nói “May thương bà May mi mà, không cần đưa May gì đâu.”  Xong mẹ cho May 1 trái cà chua cầm tay, rồi nhắc lại, “Mi bà đi con.”  May mi liền.  Mẹ nói với bà ngoại là mẹ muốn dạy cho con là xin xỏ không đi đôi với tình cảm trao ra hoặc nhận lại, thành ra mẹ muốn con biểu lộ tình cảm vì con muốn chứ không phải vì con làm cho có.

Có lẽ vì ba mẹ nuôi con không thiếu một thứ gì, nên những gì con có, con rất hào sảng, kể cả thức ăn yêu thích con cũng sẵn sàng chia sẻ.  Hay có lẽ vì ba mẹ ăn gì mà con xin ba mẹ cũng cho con, thành ra con nghĩ khi con ăn gì người khác ăn chung là lẽ dĩ nhiên.  Mỗi khi mẹ ăn kem con hay chạy ào lại xin tới tấp.  Mẹ thì nghĩ cái gì mẹ ăn trước mặt con, con có quyền nếm, nên mẹ cũng mời mọc con ăn chung; tuy nhiên mẹ tranh thủ ăn lẹ lẹ lúc con không thấy vì không muốn con ăn quá nhiều đường ở tuổi đang lớn này.  Thế nên quay đi quay lại cây kem còn có tí xíu kem dính.  Mẹ hay cho con cầm luôn chỗ tí tẹo đó tự ăn.  Nhiều lúc con ăn không kịp, mẹ ghé miệng ngoạm hết luôn, còn có cái cây.  Con không tỏ vẻ ngạc nhiên hay tức giận, con chỉ nhìn xong ngoắc tay ra dấy “hết rồi.”  ❤

Con yêu của mẹ dạo này nghe hiểu nhiều lắm, và cũng chăm chỉ học vẹt.  Con mở sách có nhiều hình ra, mẹ chỉ hoặc con chỉ, cái gì con cũng lặp lại theo mẹ dạy.  Con thích hết cả 3 cuốn sách dì Q. cho.  Giờ ăn thì con đọc sách Busy Baby Book và Brown Bear, Brown Bear.  Trên lầu thì mẹ để cuốn Hungry Caterpillar.  Mẹ hay đưa đồ cho con và kể cho con nghe ai tặng con món đó.  Hy vọng của mẹ là một ngày nào đó gặp các dì các chú bác, con sẽ nghe tên và nhận ra cái tên gắn liền với những món đồ quen thuộc yêu thích của con.

May’s pulling out all flags to charm my parents, it seems.  She’s on her best behavior and has been eating well, sleeping well, and playing well.  My parents came in very late on Tuesday night and need to run down to VA for a wedding tomorrow morning, so the stay has been short.  Which may as well be a good thing, because I’m so used to living on our own that having extra guests in the house can be a challenge.  So far An has been the only guest who came for extended stay after May was born, and An is extremely considerate to the point of surprising me and surpassing al expectations.  After An, Jackie came this past month and it was great, so I felt more confident to host more guests.  Still, we are very different – sister, good friends, vs. parents.  If you know what I mean.  Trang probably goes “NO! I want my mom with me all the time.”  So we’ll skip Trang.

Looks like there are a few furnished rooms in Farmington Hills that Son can rent for one month.  The price is $300 at the lowest and $500 at the highest.  I’m thinking of maybe getting him a bike once he’s there so he can bike to work.  We’ll see.  Car rental is just sooooo expensive.  I mean, if we really needs a car for Son, then we’ll shell out the $1K for car rental, but I want to wait and see first…  Chi. Chi muo^’n la’i xe le^n Detroit tie^’p te^’ cho S hong hi` hi` hi`…


happenings right now

Later!

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