Posted on: April 30, 2026
Mơ có đứa bạn hiện đang mang bản dạng giới theo xu hướng nữ, mà Mơ nó gần như chả thắc mắc gì về cái khoản đó. Thỉnh thoảng khi Mơ nhắc đến bạn đó thì ban đầu phần lớn nói bạn í nghỉ học nhiều lắm phải lấy mental health days do anxiety nặng. Dần dần Mơ nói dạo này bạn J đi học đều hơn rồi, con hay nói chuyện về Silksong với bạn vì bạn mê game này nhất.
Hôm nay nó ngồi xe, đang nói chuyện về quần áo thì nó kêu bạn J vẫn chưa định hướng được style của mình, hình như bạn í muốn mặc đầm nhưng lại bị anxiety nên chỉ mặc 1 cái váy màu đen xong mặc chung với quần dài phía dưới. Xong nó nói, bạn í nói bạn ước sao mình là con gái thật sự. Rồi xong thản nhiên đổi qua chủ đề khác, lộn xộn đủ chuyện 888 trong trường như mọi ngày.
Nghĩ lại, thấy môi trường Mơ lớn lên quanh đây lật đổ nhiều định kiến của những người hay lo sợ là một môi trường dung hợp LGBT+ thì sẽ khiến con nít bị xáo trộn nhiều khái niệm, hoặc là bị loạn bản dạng giới hoặc xu hướng tính dục. Nhưng Mơ là đứa nhỏ nhất trong nhà, nó vẫn hồn nhiên vô tư không khác gì tui hồi xưa bao nhiêu. Bạn tui hỏi tui làm sao để giáo dục tính dục ở tuổi 11,12 này, tui đáp là từ bé tụi nó mà hỏi được thì mình trả lời được, và trả lời theo sách giáo khoa thuộc phạm trù của câu hỏi, tụi nó quen rồi nên nó học về tính dục không khác gì mấy cách nó học về việc phải chùi đít. Bạn tui cười, chắc tưởng tui giỡn, nhưng tui nói câu đó nghiêm túc cơ. Tụi nhỏ nhà tui không thuộc loại crush đứa này crush đứa kia, nên đối với chúng nó, tính dục hoặc tình cảm lãng mạn vẫn chẳng liên quan gì đến đời sống hàng ngày. Cũng như vậy, tính dục, tính biệt, và bản dạng giới đều là những thứ bọn tui dạy rằng nếu ko liên quan đến bản thân, không hại gì ai, thì kệ thiên hạ. Con Mơ nó đang sống rất ổn.
Thêm 1 chuyện hơi liên quan xíu. Cô giáo dạy tiếng Nhật của tui cũng 7 bó rồi, cô rất thoáng, nhưng cô hay có vướng mắc khi đụng đến trans. Có lần kể cho cô nghe là tui đọc nghiên cứu cách đây hơn 10 năm đề cập đến ô nhiễm môi sinh của ếch thì khiến cho nòng nọc đổi giới tính. Cô nghe xong thì nói, chắc có lẽ con người cũng vậy, cho nên gần đây mới nghe rất nhiều về người chuyển giới, so với hồi xưa. Tui kêu cái đó em không chắc đâu, tại vì em nghĩ bên LGBT+ đấu tranh nhiều thì người trans họ mới có cam đảm lộ diện nhiều hơn thôi, còn hồi xưa mình không gặp thống kê của trans là vì họ nằm trong số thống kê của những người tự sát, chết sớm 1 đám rồi, hoặc người trầm cảm nặng, hoặc người điên, v.v. Cô nghe xong cô trầm ngâm…. ~ ~
back from TLRS concert
Posted on: February 14, 2023
when hyde came out with TLRS announcement in November, i only had 2 objections, one was “wtf is this band’s name!!” and two was “why does it have to be with Yoshikiiiiiiiiii!!!” But other than that, didn’t matter how much people were dissing the formation of TLRS and calling it S.K.I.N. 2, laughing about how S.K.I.N. 1 originally threw a concert that was delayed by 3 hours and only performed like 4 songs live, had one song to its name, and then completely dissolved after that one time gig. i firmly believe that hyde is different, he is determined to make this band work, and also none of his concerts have ever been boring, so doesn’t matter what the band plays, hyde will make it work.
They released the first and only song back in December, and everyone laughed, including me, because the recording version was weak, but i still looked forward to their debut concert because hyde was so serious about it. They didn’t even play together as a band until the Kouhaku at the end of December, but somehow i wasn’t worried. Then when the band debuted in Japan at the end of January, people began to talk. People who were skeptical started wondering, maybe this band is legit. Because it didn’t just cover songs. Despite the short notice and only 2 songs to their name–one was released, the other only was shown as a teaser–they showed up on stage with enough new songs to make believers out of skeptics. Now when their official site confirms that half of the songs played during their concerts = new original songs, i’m filled with pride. I actually like most of their new songs, i do. Shine is burdened by Yoshiki’s “ai” rhymes, he needs to cut out these maddening “ai” rhymes though — The Last Rockstars, Shine, Psycho Love are all Yoshiki’s lyrics, and they do this:
“The Last Rockstars”
I’ll make you fly
i’ll make you cry
i’ll make you feel your dragons to fly
i’ll make you fly
i’ll make you cry
i’ll make you fly high
feel the beauty of life
beauty of sky….
“shine”
tonight we will shine
tonight we will fly
to the sky where there’s no light
we’ll give the light
time after time
“psycho love”
it’s time to fly
it’s time to fly high
be by my side, i’ll be your peace of mind
don’t ask me why the pains never dies….
I told Summer I’ll just turn them all into fries & rice songs if Yoshiki keeps this up
Tonight, we’ll serve fries
tonight we’ll cook rice
when we’re done serving the fries
we’ll serve the rice
time after time
and
it’s time to fry
it’s time to fry rice
if i have rice, i’ll fry it many times
don’t ask me why i only fry rice….
anyhow, their setlist looks so sparkly because of all those *new song* marks. I’m so proud i spent my money on them.
May Lily and i had such a great time at their concert. i came back and told Rie, hey i saw your Yoshiki guy in L.A., she said next time she wants to go with me.
that new TLRS song….
Posted on: January 26, 2023
AH~~
U FEEL LIKE SOME STARCH
U FEEL LIKE SOME CARB
U WANT SOME PROTEIN
LET
THE BEAUTY OF CARBS
BEAUTY OF GRAIN STARCHES TO LOVE
SOFTER THAN RAIN
HARDER THAN PAIN
DON’T BE AFRAID
UNDRESS YOUR SECRETS
CARB’S HERE TO REIGN
WE HAVE THE FLAMES
TO LIGHT UP THE STOVE ~
I’LL MAKE YOU FRIES
I’LL MAKE YOU RICE
I’LL MAKE YOU EGGS
WITH CHINESE SAUSSAGE
I’LL MAKE YOU FRIES
I’LL MAKE YOU RICE
I’LL MAKE U FRIED RICEEEEEEEEE
THE BEAUTY OF FRIES
BEAUTY OF RICE
BEAUTY OF EGGS
WITH CHINESE SAUSSAGE
ARE YOU READY TO TRY
READY FOR FRIED RICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
[YOSHIKI’s rap part]
LIFE, MAKES ME CRAVE SOME RICE
MAKES ME CRAVE SOME FRIES
MAKES ME WANT TO FRY SOME RICE RICE
WHY
DON’T YOU WANT TO TRY
DON’T YOU LIKE YO RICE
DON’T YOU WANT TO TRY FRY SOME FRIED RICE
OH~~
WE’LL LET YOUR CARB FANCIES UNCHAIN
WE’LL LET YOUR CRAVINGS REIGN~~~~
AH, YOU FEEL LIKE SOME STARCH
U FEEL LIKE SOME CARB
U WANT SOME PROTEIN
LET
THE BEAUTY OF CARBS
BEAUTY OF GRAIN STARCHES TO LOVE
SOFTER THAN RAIN
HARDER THAN PAIN
DON’T BE AFRAID
UNDRESS YOUR SECRETS
CARB’S HERE TO REIGN
LIFE IS SO VAIN
WE HAVE THE FLAMES
TO LIGHT UP THE STOVEEEEEEEEEE
I’LL MAKE U FRIES
I’LL MAKE U RICE
I’LL MAKE U EGGS
WITH CHINESE SAUSSAGE
I’LL MAKE U FRIES
I’LL MAKE U RICE
I’LL MAKE U FRIED RICEEEEEEE
FEEL THE BEAUTY OF FRIES
BEAUTY OF RICE
BEAUTY OF EGGS
WITH CHINESE SAUSSAGE
ARE YOU READY TO TRY?
READY FOR FRIED RICE?
I’LL MAKE U FRIES
I’LL MAKE U RICE
I’LL MAKE U EGGS
WITH CHINESE SAUSSAGE
I’LL MAKE U FRIES
I’LL MAKE U RICE
I’LL MAKE U FRIED RICEEEEEE
FEEL THE BEAUTY OF FRIES
BEAUTY OF RICE
BEAUTY EGGS
WITH CHINESE SAUSSAGE
R U READY TO TRY
READY FOR FRIED RICEEEEE~~~~~~
note to self
Posted on: December 8, 2021
just a note to myself that shortly before Thanksgiving, while i was surfing youtube on the waves of random japanese oldies, one moment i was swimming in a sea of 山本リンダ, then because Morning Musume covered どうにもとまらない I got into a sea of Morning Musume stuffs, which then pushed me to a few songs by Kumi Koda. At that point, for some reason i landed on a search for “l’arc en ciel time to say goodbye” not sure what prompted it. I must have been looking at some list ? I wonder what prompted it. So random.
When we were your age – 3
Posted on: March 3, 2021
“When bác Trâm was your age, Timmy”
when my oldest sister, bác Trâm, was your age, i was born.
This was 3.5 years after South Vietnam lost the war, American soldiers left, all of my mom’s family left for the US, my dad took 3 kids, Bác Huy (9), bác Châu (5), bác An (3) to the sea in an attempt to escape by boat to reach a refugee camp outside of Vietnam. My mom was pregnant with me when my dad was caught, along with 3 kids. Bác Trâm said the day my mom received the news, it was the first time she lost her mind. Bác Trâm said my mom laughed, and then wept, and then laughed. Bác Trâm was very frightened, but she just kept absolutely quiet, and tried her best to help out wherever she could.
All of us kids grew up very distant from my parents. We were most indifferent to our dad, but also to our mom, to some degrees. Like I myself feel very estranged from my own mother, and I don’t even want to get close. When i was growing up, i spent a lot of time around her, but just existing in my own world, I didn’t share my world with her. I just took care to help her out where i could, if putting in a bit of effort would make her happier, I was fine with it, but I never felt the kind of love and attachment I see other children have with their mother. Bác Trâm was different. She said it was because as she grew from a 5 year old into a 13 year old, she was the one person who was constantly by my mom’s side. She saw how life tumbled my mother and made her into a person full of anxiety mixed with depression. And because of that, my sister cares about my mom and sympathizes with her in a way the rest of my siblings and I cannot.
When my mom gave birth to me, it was just her and bác Trâm at home. When my mom’s water broke, she went to the hospital alone, my sister slept at home by herself, at 8 years of age. All of us grew up afraid of the dark and afraid of being alone, but my sister had no choice back then, and she just quietly accepted that she would have to spend a night on her own. Then the next day, she rode the bike to my mom’s cousin, we call her bá Thảo. Bá Thảo lived about 1 mile away, and during the years my mom was stuck alone in Vietnam without her siblings and parents, bá Thảo was her big sister who helped out my mom. So bác Trâm went to let bá Thảo know about the new baby. And then at some point, my mom came home with me.
When women give birth, a lot of changes take place in their body chemically. With the baby inside, the body produces a lot of hormones to help the mom’s body nurture the baby. But once the baby has been born, the uterus sends signals to the body of the mom, causing these hormones to drop. I was lucky in that with 3 kids, the hormone changes did not give me any bad effects. But my friend had postpartum depression after she had her kids. And so did my mom. People with mild postpartum depression may spend their day crying or feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. People with more severe postpartum depression sometimes want to kill themselves as well as their babies. It’s a scary thing. I think my mom must have had postpartum depression, because I have seen her after she gave birth to my little brother, as well as my little sister. For months, she was just in bed, not doing anything, not motivated to get up. So my older siblings helped out with caring for the babies until my mom slowly crawled out of her depression.
When bác Trâm was 8, my mom came home with me, and the first night, bác Trâm woke up to the sound of me crying. She found me with a dirty diaper and hungry, and my mom was just lying there, laughing and crying too, not functional. So bác Trâm changed my dirty diaper, mixed formula, and fed me. Then she went downstairs to wash my dirty diaper. I think that saved my life. She took care of me when my mom was not able to. The next day, another one of my mom’s cousins came by to check on us, probably because bá Thảo informed her. That cousin — her name is bá Ngọc — took one look at the situation, and carried me away. That, i believe, also saved my life. The agreement was that bá Ngọc (my mom’s cousin) would raise me, and each month my mom would send money. That’s how I grew up — in a household full of cousins old enough to be my parents, but i called them older sisters and older brothers. The woman who was old enough to be my grandma, I called her mẹ, just like the rest of her children. This lasted for 4 years, and then when my dad gained his legal resident status in the early 1980’s, I came home to my birth mom.
When i left shortly after i was born, the house continued to have just my mom and bác Trâm. At your age, she witnessed my mom being scammed by her so called friends. People would come visit my mom because she’s nice, they would try to talk her into investing money, because they knew she had money that my aunts and uncles sent from the US. Life was unkind to many many Vietnamese people the 4 years I wasn’t at home, not just my mom, but my mom was traumatized by it. She was afraid of seeing people and talking to strangers, so bác Trâm would have to do things like going to the commune store to buy rice on her own. Rice bags were not light, they were 25-30 lbs rice bags. But my sister knew that if the commune is open, one must get in line, and whatever the commune sells, one should buy, otherwise it won’t be available for a long time. So she bought rice on her own, and proceeded to drag that thing home somehow, refusing to take a xích-lô cab, which is a giant tricycle with passenger seat in the front.
If you put yourself into my sister’s place, do you think you would have been capable of saving your younger sister’s life like she did? Think of the middle of the night, when you are so sleepy, and the baby cries next to your mom, would you think “mom is there, baby should be fine” and cover your ears, trying to go back to sleep? Would you have been able to quietly existing next to a mother who doesn’t seem to be able to hold things together, offering help in anyway you can, and if you can’t help, simply being there, but not causing any trouble ? My sister told me about her goal to cause no trouble for my mom because she saw how hard it was for my mom back then. It’s definitely a world that other 8 year olds are living even now. All around you, maybe in Albany, or in Berkeley, there are still moms like my mom who are having a very hard time, and 8-year-olds like my sister, being the little pillars for their moms to lean on. Think about these kids and bác Trâm, will you, the next time you hear me yell “You are having a rich kid’s problem, stop complaining!”
i know what you mean! 